I haven’t started building
yet I see the cracks.
I don’t want a broken home to live in.
I want no bed that hosts ghosts,
nor sheets with a lingering past.
I want a hall with pure untainted features,
a room that has no burdens to bare.
I’d rather not take this pretty frame
without a soul,
I’d rather not start a new life here.
that’s how long it took me.
Even when a ghost hugged me at nights,
your perfume tickled my nose,
I still held on to you.
There was no rain,
stars didn’t see me the same way,
yet, all I knew was you.
I knew the smile that told me to never be afraid,
The stare that made me feel perfect.
I knew the voice that birthed my confidence,
the hands that kept me warm.
And when she came, and opened these eyes
to things I never knew,
I feared your erasure.
I feared her arms would replace your ghost,
And her scent would one day be all I’d need.
It took a year to see I can’t hold on to you,
to see stars only looked away,
to hide from my pain.
It took me a year to see,
that you were always meant to be just
a ghost to me.
Today I sat on the corner and watched my life.
I looked on in disbelief as three years and six months played on repeat.
She, my mirror, committed the lover’s crime:
lying in bed, touching a body that wasn’t mine.
She made herself another’s bedframe.
Yet I listened with pity, hearing each word with my love.
When the words, “I love you,”
fell from her lips, I caught hold,
fearing its break to the ground.
“I am sorry,” undid me.
I watched myself plunge repeatedly into dark brown eyes.
I watched as I bled for a love that could never last.
I sat on the corner today,
I sat there in disbelief,
as my absurdity played on repeat.
Now I see,
it’s when stars show their faces by day,
and the sea and sky switch places,
when I finally know myself,
then shall you come to me.
“let us love originally.”
“the world would envy our smiles, the twinkle in my eyes.”
And yet, I feel cheated of a love that could be beautiful.
I wish to conform to society,
to do what happy brides have done.
But now I see, it’s a dream that won’t ever be.
For it is when birds stop singing,
when men stop searching,
then shall I truly have you,
It is then, you will finally
give yourself to me.
Let us love differently,
you and I.
Try hard to break from our community.
We won’t conform to the whims and ways
of our society.
I am not your wife.
Merely the woman you come to.
Let us love originally,
creating our own rules as we
go through the motions.
The world will envy our smiles,
the twinkle in your eyes.
And those brides will wonder where
our secrets lie.
Let us love differently,
originally, you and I.
Forgetting society’s rules,
creating our own as time